Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My feet surprised me
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
