Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
