Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
being pregnant is like rehab
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
