Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
