Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
