he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
