the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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