I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
