Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize
