My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
