did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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