About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
