I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
