He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize