Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
