I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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