I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
