I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Never underestimate the power of titties
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize