I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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