also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
