So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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