moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Randomize
