I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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