Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
