Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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