weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
How does one acquire holy water?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
