im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
