i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize