thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
