the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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