Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
you made out with another girl for some wings
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
