he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize