Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize