I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
