Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
