My room smells like vodka and shame
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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