Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just gargled with NyQuil
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
