remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
