No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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