I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
