I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
