I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
