one word: firstdatebathroomanal
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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