Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
