I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
