she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
