i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
