I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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