I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
