she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
