Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
