yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
