I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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