I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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