TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
