No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
