I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
