I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Be still, my beating vagina.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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