Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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