It's Friday. Sex?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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