I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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