sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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