My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
