In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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