well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
