SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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