I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
