I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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