MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Randomize
