I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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