so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
