Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
