I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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