So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
