I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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