walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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