pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
