Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
