On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
