At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
