Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
