dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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