Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
