Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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