god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
