Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
