glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
