I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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