time to smoke my breakfast
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
