how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The adults are the big ones right?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
