I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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