My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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