You work out of a Hotel?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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