We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
