I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
