dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize