Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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