we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
