I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
