I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
