I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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