I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Define "chronic" masturbator.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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