we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize