I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
