You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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