i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
